Goodbye Dubai

I have officially run out of time here in Dubai and now it's time to pack up and fly home. This is a bittersweet parting between feeling excited to get home to my friends, family and loved ones and feeling sad at leaving all my new Emirates friends. But there's GOOD NEWS!

I have run out of time, but not out of writing! There are still blog posts to finish before the "Dubai Chronicles" are complete. So until I can finish I'll leave you with this one...

Leaving the Bubble

One of my first posts was about the "Bubble Life" and the difference between the Haves and Have Nots in this society. For example, on the fringe of the city I literally pass a herd of camels every day that are out to pasture in the area across from our building.

I asked myself...Where do they come from? Who watches over them day and night? And, being me, I went to find out...

Look at the pictures above any time you think you've gotten a raw deal because somebody took the last blueberry bagel on the all-you-can-eat buffet. I pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the car. I met the two camel shepards and they showed me around, including the camel pens that comprise the only home they know as the city continues to close in around them. The structure these men live in is a former plastic water container. The camel pens are actually better than the human accomodations. These men treated me better than most of the "upperclass" I've encountered here. The shepards barely spoke English, but out of politeness and honor they welcomed me immediately. I was offered tea and what little food they had for themselves. I took pictures of the surroundings, but they declined to be photographed because there was no water to clean up with...they had to save it for the camels to drink. I gave them 20 Dirhams for the tour...more than they make in a week and less than I spend on a Starbuck's latte and made my way back to the city.

When I left the shepards to go back to my host company paid "thank you for training us" present of a 5-star Villa (a place I'd NEVER be able to afford if I had to pay for it) I almost felt ashamed of it. I have been very blessed personally and professionally. I'm still amazed that this Iowa farm girl has been PAID to wake up and play in the Middle East for the last 6 weeks. Every time I go places and experience awesomeness...both big and small...I am thankful.

Goodbye Dubai.

You know it’s summer in Dubai when…

…you have to wear a sweater and socks in the office because the AC is set so low you can now store meat in your cube.

…you try not to sit anywhere because your sweaty clothes stick to your backside. And you used to think those funny lawn chair patterns were embarrassing!

…your glasses, even sunglasses, steam over every time you go from inside to outside, making you look a bit crazed or like the creature from the Blue Lagoon.

…you wish you’d done more stuff outside when it was cool back home because now your exercise consists of running from one air conditioned place to another.

…you watch 5 old episodes of Gilmore Girls, back-to-back, and don’t consider it a wasted day.

…sweat patterns on your clothes become a fun “guess that Rorschach pattern” game for you and your friends.

Wild Kingdom

Captain Canada loves to go out dancing in the clubs. I also love to dance, but I don’t really like to start my evening at midnight; and anything that goes after 3 AM starts to feel like a hostage situation. You see we already have a fundamental disconnect.

However, since we firmly adhere to the Kindergarten Fieldtrip Rule: Always stay with your buddy! - my trusty sidekick has been thrown down ski slopes, sand dunes and into dolphin-infested waters; now it was my turn to suck it up and head out to the club where he finds his bliss.

Our evening begins with a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant…where everyone knows our name. (NORM!)

At 11 o’clock we prep for our evening out…complete with WAY bigger hair and makeup than I’m used to (think Patrick Swayze in To Wong Fu) but hey…it’s club attire and if you’re not “in” you’ll be standing outside in line all night. Okay, Disco Check done, it’s time to go.

At the club the line moves quickly and Canada puts me in front because girls (and the guys with them) have a separate, faster, line. Oh…and ladies don’t have to pay. This is an incentive to get more girls in the club, because if girls are there…guys will follow…DUH!

Once in the club, it didn’t take long to assess the situation. I have two words for you… Meat Market.

No big deal, I’m there with a dude and most people think we’re “together” so they leave us alone. But wait! What happens when (after 6 drinks) the dude has to visit the bathroom? A blatant violation of the aforementioned Kindergarten Rule, that’s what!

Visualize the Serengeti…
A gazelle stands happily grazing in the meadow. The rest of the herd moves on without her noticing. Did anyone hear that? Is there a rustling in the grass over there? Is there a different scent in the air? YES! It’s lions…a whole pride of them…poised to attack! Run little gazelle, RUN!!!

This gazelle was not very bright…this gazelle was busy drinking her water and getting her groove on. She did not notice the lions waiting in the grass. She thought she was safe within the herd. Stupid, stupid gazelle…

BOOM! Canada is in the can. Taunya is on the dance floor and the lions close in. There’s pushing, there’s shoving, there’s growling among the lions, however…there is NO TOUCHING of the actual gazelle! Thank goodness, but how is this possible?

Enter my night club heroes… Antook and Khalid (a.k.a. Andy and Kal) – two of the biggest dudes I’ve seen in the place aside from the bouncers. They proceed to push the rest of the lions out of the way and ask if I have enough room.

Gazelle: “Why yes, thank you very much!”
Lions: “Would you like another drink? Tequila shots or Vodka perhaps?” – Ahhh…I said they were nice, but they ARE still lions.
Gazelle: “No thanks, I’m driving (total lie, we took a taxi) – just water for me.” This gazelle might be slow, but she sure isn’t gonna be in the newspapers for being the stupid, drunk one.
Lions: “Cigarette?”
Gazelle: “No thanks.”
Lions: “Ahh…you are a healthy girl. Nice girl. May we hang out with you for a while?”
Gazelle: “Yes, that would be nice.”

The night passed as I danced and talked with my new lion friends. They were particularly helpful at closing time, when we had to guide a very drunken Canadian out of the club and pour him into the taxi. I tried not to be rude and maneuver out of my big fat “I’m driving lie.” Because now they were insisting I should let them drive us home. Ummm, thanks but no thanks…no lions at the hotel door.

So, in the end, the gazelle lives to see another day and there will be no more wandering into the Wild Kingdom.

Bad Pickup Lines – Dubai Style

Let me share with you a Universal Truth...No matter where a girl goes, there’s gonna be a guy waiting to use bad pickup lines on her.

Some of my personal favorites on this trip are: - Oh, and yes...I realize there are only six instead of the usual "top ten" but really...after you've heard these you kinda stop listening:

6. Ahhh…you are a trainer? Want to be my teacher?
- Yeah…first lesson, how to shut up and walk away before I kick your @$$.

5. America? I love Americans…can I love you?
- Um, nope!

4. As a man, it is my duty to look after you. Please, walk in front of me so I can look after you.
- Ewww...walk away slowly and with your back in another direction!)

3. My wife, she needs a friend, will you be my new wife?
- Really? Cuz I think she might be the one who needs a little something “new.”

2. You are so bee-yoo-ti-ful, I thought you were Lebanese.
- Nope, sorry, I like guys. (There Doug, are you happy now? Your joke actually came true!)

And now for the most common and my all time favorite…(drum roll please!)

1. I respect women. If you were mine, I would DIE for you!
- Aww...aren’t you just the sweetest thing?! Now go stand over there with the rest of my kamikaze army to await your orders.

Seven HUNDRED Dollars?!

After five weeks “in country” there has been so much to see and do and buy that I just couldn’t help myself from shopping for all my (and other people’s Harley-related) Christmas gifts while I’m here. I mean really…who could possibly pass up that fuzzy camel wearing pink lipstick?!

That being said, it will come as no surprise that I have bought too much stuff! So now I’m faced with some choices…how do you like choices, Taunya? Hmmm…at this point I don’t like them much at all.

Being the smarty pants that I am I thought, “Hey, no big deal. I’ll just ship a box or two home and save myself the trouble.” For those who have not traveled abroad, please take this opportunity to learn from my naiveté.

Picture, if you will, happy little Taunya, executing Plan A – Ship Stuff Home. Packing up her 2 boxes and heading out to find a UPS or FedEx. Doo-dee-doo…Taunya walks into FedEx and sets the boxes on the scale, hands over her corporate shipping ID and awaits the total.

Two boxes…10 kilograms…$700…quick head-snap to look the clerk in the eye because by now I am SURE that it was because we may not speak the same language.

“Um, excuse me? You mean Dirhams, right?” Taunya says expecting the common misunderstanding.

“No Miss…Dollars, American Dollars…Seven Hundred.”

Whoa. Yeah…not happening…moving to Plan B - back in the car to see what UPS has to say.

“Hi there nice UPS lady. I’d like to ship these two small boxes to Colorado, USA please.”

“Absolutely, ma’am…that will be $630.”

UGH!

Now I am forced to create a Plan C, which is not something I am used to doing as a card carrying member of Advanced Planners Anonymous.

This is where my Canadian colleague comes to the rescue! Men…they have a different approach to travel that normally includes “packing” the equivalent of the clothes they are wearing and (if you’re lucky) a toothbrush. Because Captain Canada is this type of male, he has kindly offered to schlep a bag on his flight to the US and then ship it to me for the proper price of $20 MAX!

WHEW! Now all I have to do is buy an entire new suitcase to put it all in…excellent…another trip to the mall for me!

Go for the GOLD!

This is just a quick shout out to all my co-workers back in Colorado Springs who are participating in a fun work activity this week...the Office Olympics started today, complete with opening ceremonies...which I heard were a rousing success!

Events include the floppy discus toss, paper clip doubles, airplane throw, chair rowing, wastebasketball, yoga ball bouncing, marker archery, and paper cup stacking and water relay.

Hip, Hip, HURRAH for the "office athletes" who are making their own fun and good luck to you all! Wish I could be there to see it in person, but I'll take any pictures you care to send my way.

By the Numbers

Contrary to popular belief I have been sent to Dubai to do something other than shop, tour museums, snowboard, become a dunebuggy ace, ride dolphins, etc. This thing I'm doing in between fun is called...WORK.

Here's a By the Numbers snapshot of what will be accomplished for our client by the time the "training team"(read: me & the Canadian)finishes our 6 week tour.

2 custom interactive training programs produced
1 online help system created
350 page manager training guide written
60 page staff training guide written
83 separate topics covered
15 classroom classes taught (put on that Colgate smile!)
250 students trained

So there it is...that's what I do while I'm thinking of the next thing to blog about. :-)Hope everyone's having a great week!

DOLPHINS!!!

For those of you who were sick of me doing sand-related activities. How do you feel about swimming with dolphins?

Well, I LOVED IT!!! Bet you couldn't tell from the giant smile I have pasted all over my face in these pictures, huh?!

The Dubai Dolphinarium (yeah...I'm not sure if it's really a word either...) opened just over a month ago. In addition to the usual Sea World-type shows with seals and dolphins, they have a "swim with dolphins" program too. When I read about this in my new weekly cultural happenings bible, "Time Out - Dubai edition" I jumped on the phone and scheduled a time slot.

There were two options for swimming:
1) Private - SPENDY at 1500 Dirhams per person
2) Mixed Group - a bargain at 350 Dirhams per person

What I've learned...if you are here in the hottest months of the year, i.e., June, July, August sign up for the group cuz more likely than not you're gonna be the only one crazy enough to be in the city.

The Canadian and I showed up for our allotted group time expecting to be able to maybe touch a dolphin. Instead our group consisted of 3 adults and one little kid. As soon as we were in our swim suits the trainer said "Hop IN!"

Ya don't have to tell me twice...into the water I went...and didn't come out for 1/2 an hour! These three dolphins were the biggest sweeties I've ever seen. We got to pet them, do handshakes, ride them and rub their tummies (which they love, just like dogs!). One of them kept "sneaking" up on me (see the pic on the right above) and bumping me with her nose so I would swim with her.

As further proof that (like Colorado) nobody's actually FROM here...the dolphins and their trainer are originally from the Ukraine and were transferred from a resort that closed.

Now I have 3 major events checked off the Life List and I've still got 2 more weeks to go. I think we're all wondering the same question...what's next?

Let’s go to the Mall!

In Dubai, shopping is the National Sport. There’s even an entire month dedicated to consumerism, called “The Dubai Shopping Festival.” In the UAE, you can’t swing a dead sand cat without hitting a shopping area. Currently Mall of the Emirates is the 3rd largest mall in the world, and when the currently under construction Dubai Mall opens it's doors, it will be the Mothership...the Largest in the World!

Back home, I am not really a “mall person” so at first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. But as much as I fought it, I’m starting to prefer malls to the traditional Souks (vendor street markets). It seems Robin Sparkles sang it best, “the mall is where it’s at.”

Here’s my list of why I go to the mall:

* Air Conditioning
* Ski Dubai – for ultra air conditioning
* Great food – and not that craptastic food court stuff either! We’re talking REALLY good food... in REALLY nice restaurants from all over the world. I even happened upon an Iron Chef contest hosted by the National Culinary Association in the main area of a mall.
* Pharmacy – for all my après boarding needs, like Advil.
* Ski Dubai
* The Ice Bar - cool enough to induce it's own ice cream headache.

* Starbucks/Caribou Coffee – yes, they both have stores here.
* Ski Dubai
* Movie theatres - with actual movies that are releasing at the same time as in the US.
* Ski Dubai
* People watching – We’re talking all different cultures with people dressed like Baywatch bikini girls all the way to full on Islamic Burka coverups.

Oh, and did I mention this cute little place called Ski Dubai? So anytime you want to join me, let’s meet at the Mall!

That’ll be 20 Dirhams even.

I love living the tax free life!

You may not know this, but there are no taxes in the UAE. None, nada, ziltch! If you work for a company here, you make what they say you make. When you go shopping, the tag IS the price. Even the restaurants include all the municipality fees and service charges (i.e., waiter/waitress tips).

It’s perfect for me. There are no surprises at the counter for not being able to do math. Well, except for the exchange rate, UGH! Now let’s see…is that multiply or divide by 3.48? Crap!

Okay, well obviously there’s still work to do, but I’ll leave it up to Visa.

Culture Shock

Ever since I arrived in the Emirates people have been asking me questions like; “How’s the culture? Are you homesick? Do people talk to you?”

After several weeks of living and working in Dubai, I must admit I’ve gotten spoiled. You see, this is a Courtesy Culture. A society built on making others feel welcome and content to be here. Where the rule of thumb is, “Always smile and never say No.”

For example: Every morning at the continental breakfast at least 3 hotel employees greet me by name. At the hotel restaurant, the greeter, waitress, manager, and bar staff all welcome me back…it’s like being Norm from Cheers. I don’t have to order, they just bring me what they know I like.

However, today I had a full-frontal attack of Culture Shock, but not in the way you’d think...I got “Identity Thefted.”

Here’s how it happened: I went online to do some general “life maintenance.” When I opened my online bank statement, I was surprised to find several pending withdrawals from my account totaling about $1500.00. Um…WHAT?!...there’s only about 3 days a month I even HAVE that much in my account!

Who would do this kind of dastardly deed? Some sneaky street vendor from the Souk? A dirty dealing, underpaid restaurant worker? That guy who stood WAY to close to me at the ATM last time?

If you guessed any of these…the answer is, NO! Further investigation led me straight to PayPal. Yeah, PayPal in the…United States. To add insult to injury, I can’t take care of any of this online…I have to call the bank…to keep my information secure. REALLY?! Did you just tell me that after I see $1500.00 wooshing out of my account?

Calling the Bank…
Bank: Hello this is X, can I help you?
Me: Hi, X, I sure hope so. I’m in a bit of a jam here. You see I’m calling you from overseas and I’ve found some unusual activity on my account back in the US. Can we look over that please?
Bank: Okay, let me put you on hold while I access your account.
Me: Oh wait, don’t put me on hold, this is an expensive call…crap, hold music.
wait for 2 minutes and jam to Girl from Ipineema
Bank: Yeah, there are several withdrawals, what do you want me to do about it?
Me: I’m not even in the US to be making those withdrawals, can you please cancel them?
Bank: Well I guess so, but you also need to freeze this account and come into a branch to open a new one. Do you want me to cancel your card too?
Me: No, no, no…you can’t freeze my account, I’m overseas in Dubai.
Bank: Doo Bay, isn’t that in Minnesota? We have branches in Minnesota. I’ll just go ahead and cancel your card.
Me: No, I said NO, you can’t freeze or cancel anything. I’ll have no access to my money.
Bank: Well Ma’am, I just don’t know what you want from me.
Me: I want your manager…Now.
Bank: More hold music…DAMMIT!
wait for 3 minutes and jam again...
Bank Manager: Hello Ma’am, X here has told me you need assistance in freezing your account? How can I help you?
Me: ARGH, wimper…no I don’t need that. Please just cancel the last $1500 in withdrawals.
Bank Manager: That’s a rather large amount to reverse, could you perhaps be a victim of identity theft? Because our usual protocol is to… (and I hang up)

We all know that getting financial matters straightened out with a bank is annoying at best. Now let’s throw in the added fun of being overseas where any phone call is $2.30 a MINUTE! Only to be told by the surly AMERICAN call center woman that my only option is to freeze my account. Oh…I don’t think so. Now it’s time to call PayPal…

I’m sure you get the picture. The good news is after almost $100 in phone charges my bank account is fine, the PayPal account I’d forgotten I even had is cancelled, and all is well.

However, after being jolted out of my Doo Bay happy place and being reminded of what “customer service” means back home, I can say with absolute certainty that I’m going up to the place (where everybody knows my name) to recover from my serving of “good ole U - S of A” culture shock. UGH!

Ice, Ice Baby!

With weather temps soaring into and over 120 degrees, you are foolish to think you can touch your car’s steering wheel after it’s been in the sunny parking lot all day and keep your fingertips.
Because I am that kind of fool, I have dubbed this week, “ICE WEEK.” I’m sure you’ve been able to tell from my activities lately, this city is totally prepared to keep me entertained.

In search of the elusive “cool” we went to an Ice Bar. Yup, that’s right…a whole bar for you and your friends to literally chill out at a temperature of -6 Celcius.

When you walk in, you are greeted with a coat room. Not like the ones in the States where they take your coat. In this room the GIVE you a coat…and mittens…and little booties if you’re wearing sandals without socks…tres chic!

Next, you go through a cooler door that looks just like every meat locker door you’ve seen in all those horror movies. You know the ones…those movies you’re screaming at the girl, “DON’T GO IN THERE!” Yeah that’s the door…and I even went in, without a flashlight.

Ahhh, sweet, cool air! And ice…man they aren’t kidding either. Everything was made of the stuff. Couches, chairs, lights, sculptures, plates, cups, martini glasses…the BAR and SHELVES!

We ordered our cover charge mandated 60 Dirham mocktail (remember this is a dry country in most senses of the word unless you’re at a resort hotel) and sat back on our fluffy sheepskin ice chairs. I resisted the urge to be a jackass and ask for ice in my drink and sipped the yummy strawberry juice.

After becoming comfortably numb and moving into the early stages of frostbite, we decided to return to the sauna of the real world once more. Back through the meat locker door without so much as a tongue frozen to a tether pole. The coat check girl was there to take our layers and hand out lemon scented hot towels, very nice!

So, when you’re just too hot for your own good and don’t want to hit the slopes of Ski Dubai, I’d highly recommend getting ice, iced baby!

To Board or Not To Board...now that's a silly question!

You KNOW I couldn't just go snowboarding once. I mean really...I lugged all this gear to the desert so I'd better use it, right?! This time I had company...well, company in a couple ways.

First, the Canadian had never snowboarded and wanted to give it a try. Funny isn't it? It's okay, go ahead and laugh...his instructor sure did! But in Canada's defense, he played hockey and if you're from the Northern climes you know that if you're in one snow/winter sport there's really no time to be in any of the others...okay, now you can resume the laughing.

Second, apparently I also flew half way around the world to suck. On my second run of the night a ski patrol guy, Toofic, (no, I'm not making up that name) came up to me and asked, very respectfully, if I would mind receiving a couple of pointers on my technique. (Now here's where the girls have to be a bit careful, cuz sometimes a "pointer" could be something totally different!) Uh...okay...sure, what's up?

Let the 1 1/2 hour private snowboarding lesson by a Lebanese snow pro begin! (Yes Doug...I said Lebanese and your joke still isn't funny.) We did alignment drills, speed drills, and do it "really wrong" so you almost die drills until my time ran out on the electronic card. THEN, he just had me bypass the ropes and get directly on the lift so we could keep going. Just one more thing...just one more thing...wow...guess I needed more work than I thought!

All in all, it was an amazing lesson and I WAS boarding faster and more confidently than I ever have and doing jumps I wouldn't have tried an hour before. So, a big thanks to Ski Dubai for teaching the Canadian and Coloradan a thing or two about snow sports!

Forbidden

This is what you see when you try to access a site that is deemed "unacceptable" by those who govern that kind of thing here. I had no idea that trying to log onto a doggy daycare website would be so scandalous!

Actually, it turned out to be the #2 reason...the server wasn't available. Sheesh, now I'm boring again, what a disappointment.

Another Machine

We stumbled upon another "machine" here. This one has to be seen in action to be believed.

Enjoy a little potty humor brought to you by the fine people of Dubai...sorry for the sideways shooting. ;-) Thanks to Doug, if you want a right-side up version, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cnj1JQI27U

My Sepia Day

I went out looking around took a few (hundred) pictures...what a shocker, huh? This is what the world looked like through my eyes.

* I went down an alley and thought the Mosque tower looked cool from down in between the buildings.
* The doorway is an average one for going into public buildings, but I love the detail.
* Everyone in the apartment areas hang their laundry right out their windows to dry, it's quite a site to see the entire side of a building covered in all kinds of people's clothes.
* I saw these mops just resting on a stairway as I walked by, and they reminded me of the Magician's Apprentice from Fantasia...I expected to see Mickey Mouse running to catch them at any moment.
* Windtowers are used here to get cool air into the homes. The wind hits these towers and it gets funnelled down a few stories and into the house. Very interesting engineering.

I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I liked taking them!

Happy 4th of July!

July 4th is a date on every calendar, but in the U.S. it's the anniversary of our nation's birth. In the UAE, it's just another Friday and I miss my holiday.

The day friends and family get together, go fishing, eat BBQ, and watch explosions of color in the sky. Ohhhh...ahhhh...look, that one's shaped like a palm tree!

To all that read this little diary, know that I am thinking of you always, but especially today.

1 4 3

Best.Day.Ever...on a dune buggy

In the office this week the Canadian says to me, “How do you feel about going on a desert safari called Dune Bashing?” HAHAHAHAHA…Silly boy…

If you’re near a desert…any desert…and they have dune buggies, not Range Rovers, not Quad Runners, but dune buggies; you MUST do it! Forget about letting some tour guide do all the driving and hog all the fun. Take the wheel, give it some gas and forget there’s even a brake!

There’s no feeling that compares to zooming along the top of a 100 ft dune at 40 mph then looking WAY down and going for the drop-in over the edge.

All of a sudden you’re on 2 wheels instead of 4, your ass is in the air, and you’re thanking Allah for the 4 point harness and helmet. WOO HOO - Now that’s what I call fun!

Before I talk more about my super awesome day, I have to take a moment and thank 181. I am deeply appreciative for all the sand vs. mud tutorials, teaching me about rear steering, and all the track lessons in general because…not only did I know how to find my lines, but I always gave it WAY more gas than I wanted and made every jump. In fact, toward the end of our 2 hour tour, I had to keep reminding myself that this was NOT a track and I was NOT supposed to pass the leader!

As with all activities that require a helmet, we had a safety talk…
Rule #1: Here’s the gas pedal, here’s the brake pedal. That thing in front of you, that's the steering wheel. Use them.
Rule #2: No matter how much fun you’re having, keep your mouth shut. It’ll fill with sand as soon as you clear the first jump and you’ll be chewing rocks the rest of the day.
Rule #3: If you get stuck or hit something, wait for the support vehicle.
Rule #4: Don’t hit the camels…or the goats.

Are we all clear on the rules? Good, but don’t worry, this stuff hardly ever happens.

Here are some of the play-by-play highlights:

After about 10 minutes of warm-up driving, we hit our first big drop. As I was flying over a blind drop-off I squealed with delight…wrong move…I was in BLATANT violation of Rule #2. They were right, that sand gets in the darnedest places.

The Canadian lost his line, fishtailed for a bit, hit a couple bushes and had to be towed back onto safe ground, but he soon caught up with us so it was all good. (Rule #3, check!)

Next, we popped over a dune jump to find…you guessed it…CAMELS! There were 7 to 10 of them, right there in the middle of friggin’ nowhere and right on the path.

In fact, they took great exception to us thinking it was our path and started huffing and grunting at us. We followed them for a bit and then our leader passed the herd. I was next and made it past 4 of them with 3 to go, but then I heard a big bellow and the bull I just passed started to charge me. That’s right, I got camel blocked! So, I raced alongside him for a bit and chose another line off the path to get around them. (Rule #4, harder than I thought!)

When we all pulled back into the garage our guide paid me the highest honor he could by saying, with both thumbs up, in his cute Indian accent, “You were ROCKIN’ it out there Miss Taunya, not like a girl at all!”

So, at the end of the day here’s my advice. Dune bashing, don’t ask how much it’ll cost, how hot it’ll be, or how long the drive is, just sign up and do it. It’ll be your best day!

Note: If you’re so inclined, I highly recommend the guys at Desert Rangers for all your adventure needs. http://www.chooseyourevent.com/profile.asp?cid=1029

Do you remember 3rd grade Metrics?

Because I DON'T! Let's review, I DON'T DO MATH. At All.Never.Ever...Get it?

As a filthy, non-metric American I am completely handicapped in pretty much the entire rest of the world. The Italian, Aussie, and Canadian all know what's going on and I'm always in the dark. Every time I ask a question related to the temperature, distance, or weight I'm thwarted at the Metric Moat...and believe me, beyond here there be Dragons, Matey!

So, I predict that unless I repeat 3rd grade with Mrs. Jones - which won't be happening, just ask my mom about THAT one, it's really good; Metrics, along with the Dollar to Dirham conversion rate (currently 3.48) is going to be my undoing.

For example:
How hot is 47 Degrees Celcius?
How far is 70 Kilometers?
How heavy is 53 Kilograms?

For my education and now yours, let's take a stroll down Metric Lane, shall we?

Here's what "the book" says...
The metric system is used worldwide in international trade and in science.

The metric system, which is based on a system of 10, is simple. All metric units are changed like this. To change to a larger or smaller unit, you simply multiply or divide by a multiple of 10. It's easy! (SHA! RIGHT! What...pause for dramatic effect...Ever!)

The other system, the English system, is difficult to use because it's hard to convert from one unit to another.
(Uh-huh, sure...except it's the only one I know. Miles, feet, inches, pounds, fahrenheit, I get it!)

Temperature - Temperature measures the average speed of molecules in a body of matter by measuring how fast molecules are moving around in an object. The faster the molecules are moving, the hotter the object is. The slower the molecules are moving, the colder the object is.
(Okay, seriously, I probably "knew" that at one time and I'll bet my 7 year old buddy, J-man, coulda told me this, but I think the actual definition of temperature left me when all those weak brain cells died after my first kegger. But...there's more!)
Most countries measure in Celsius but the United States of America is one of the few countries to measure in Fahrenheit. The red liquid in thermometers is usually alcohol because mercury, which was used in the past, is a dangerous subtance.
(Wait...quick question for my Mom...So let me get this straight...we WEREN'T supposed to wipe up that dropped thermometer mercury with a paper towel? And again, just to clarify, I WASN'T supposed to rub it in my brother's face? Just checkin'...Okay, please continue oh great Metric Guru.)
Temperature is a measurement that is important for knowing how materials or life will respond.
47 Celcius = 117 degrees Fahrenheit (That's the current temperature here.)

Length - The meter is the standard unit and portions of that are in tens.
1 meter = 3.28083 feet
1 kilometer = 1.60934885 km (70 km is how far I drive to work every day.)

Mass - When you record mass the unit you use is grams. A medium sized leaf is about 1 gram, a potato chip 2 grams. A larger unit of mass is a kilogram. A kilogram is about the mass of a medium sized text book. You need a balance to find mass.
(Cool - I also need a good work/life balance - my HR Director even said s0 - to find life long happiness, so once I find that I think I'll be able to see how much things weigh. NICE!)
1 pound = 0.4536176 kg (Don't you worry about what 53 kilograms is! It's good enough that I know.)

Gee, that helped, didn't it? And I thought this metric thing was gonna be hard. Pardon me while I go look for something to soothe the pounding in my head.

Special Geek Note: In case you forget any of the valuable information I've given you today, just go here for all your Metric conversion needs: http://library.thinkquest.org/3804/

I'll just go back to jumping off stuff and taking pictures of funny signs now, thanks.

Get your kicks on Route 66

No matter where you go, there you are. -- Deep huh? Yeah, deep like Jack Handy.

Speaking of Deep Thoughts...I had a funny realization driving to work today. I was driving on Route 66...OMG! I know that "technically" the Route 66 highway used to run across the US, going from Chicago to LA, but there I was...and I have pictures, so you can't argue.

Like I've said before, driving a car here in Dubai is a mixture between Formula 1 racing and Bumper Cars. Signals are considered a sign of weakness and people driving the speed limit are newbies. This is problematic because our hamster powered Mazda rental car comes with a "feature" to let us know we are exceeding the 120 km (80 mph) speed limit - it's a little alarm that sounds a lot like that heart monitor sound you always hear on TV shows.

Beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.beep.

In the spirit of "making our own fun," my coworkers and I have invented a game. It is now our sole mission in life to see how long we can make the car/heart monitor go off on our 30 minute ride to work...or anywhere really. The current record holder is the Italian Stallion with 12 minutes and when the beeping finally stopped, it felt like we might all be having a collective heart attack.

"We've lost the pulse, prep the paddles...CLEAR!"

So there it is folks, in the land of turn left to go right, no maps, parking by braille, and driving the "Dubai Way" -- you bet we've all been getting our kicks on Route 66!

Yes Virgina, there is a Harley Claus

Granted...it took me a couple weeks longer to find the Harley store than to find Ski Dubai, but I don't RIDE a Harley, so yer lucky I got there at all...so there...neener, neener.

Historical Note: Harley- Davidson of U.A.E was established in 1989 in a small hangar at Abu Dhabi International Airport. The company has grown tremendously in the past 11 years to become the leading Harley-Davidson dealership in the Middle East, with two locations in the U.A.E. One of the largest exclusive Harley-Davidson stores outside of the United States is located on Sheikh Zayed Road in Dubai. (That's where I went.) It offers a full line of motorcycles, spare parts, accessories and high quality lines of Harley-Davidson clothing.

As those of us in the motorcycle community fondly say, "H-D doesn't stand for Harley-Davidson, it stands for Hundred Dollars!" I'm here to tell you the joke still stands here in the UAE. I just dropped 600 Dirhams in that stinkin' place... and let's review... I DON'T RIDE A HARLEY!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Ah...but a lucky few will have a fine gift coming to them when I get home. Hmmm...who should it be??? Operators are standing by to take your bribes, begs, and pleas.

Hot enough for ya?

I'm getting updates from the folks at home that it's starting to act like summer. Tornadoes, Fires, and High Temps, oh my! I hope everyone is staying safe and cool, while we send good vibes out to those we know who are in the path of flames.

Here's the current temp for me.

Oh, and on the Arabian Gulf there's no such thing as a "dry heat."

I'm not a Project Manager, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

For those who have the inside track for the project I'm here working on, the title is funny...trust me. ;-)

For those who could care less, here's what our HI Express sign looks like.

Enjoy!

Rage for the machine

I'm sure this isn't just a UAE thing, but it's the first time I've noticed that there's a machine for EVERYTHING! For example, in the women's room at the office there are 7 machines alone, plus a toilet that will flush in a variety of different ways...not kidding. Would you like proof of my case?

Women's Restroom:

• Water wand - For washing your "delicates" after your bathroom business
• Motion sensor waste can for sanitary items - I guess opening a lid would be too much trouble...better make it open everytime you move, think of moving, or look in the general direction of the sensor
• Motion sensor soap dispenser, water faucet and hand dryer -To which I'm apparently invisible, maybe they should be networked to the waste basket by the toilet?
• Hand towel dispenser machine - ...with TIMER, so you can only use the towel length for 30 seconds, then it gets sucked back in.

My Hotel:

• Master light switch console - None of the room lights turn on until you put your room keycard into it. (This is a good one, it's been a whole week and I haven't lost my card yet, that's a record for me!)
• Shoe shine machine - To keep the desert sand from soiling your Liz Claiborne's
• Keycard readers - Although common, here's the twist...you just need to have the card on you somewhere. The receivers are set to find them without getting it out of your pocket or doing the ID Badge Butt Dance...for a more visual explanation please see Doug W.

On the "Mean Streets" of Dubai:

• Camel Jockeys - I did not make this one up! Camel races feature robots at the reins. Workers fix robotic jockeys on the backs of the camels and race them around a track. Operators control the jockeys remotely, signaling them to pull their reins and prod the camels with whips. This feat of technology is a development in human rights. Racing-camel owners in many Persian Gulf countries traditionally used children as jockeys, sometimes as young as four years old. Faced with pressure from human rights groups, they banned child jockeys and looked to technology to keep the races running.
• Traffic Tickets - To answer the obvious question, NO...I haven't gotten one. But, if I did I can pay for it directly from an ATM or one of the many Police Kiosks located around the city to make it "easy and fun!" (That's a direct quote from the Gulf News this morning.) Not too sure I'd agree that paying a traffic fine is "fun" but whatever. :-)

What fun "machines" have you seen in your travels?

Sunday...it's the new Monday

If pink is the "new" black, then living here in Dubai makes Sunday the "new" Monday. Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?!

Try to stay with me cuz this ride could get bumpy. The UAE is a Muslim country. In Islam the holy day (our Sunday) falls on Friday, making Thursday the last working day of the week (our Friday). The average work week is 6 days a week, 48 hours per work week.

Most folks only get the holy day off, lots of stores are closed and there's very little activity around town in general. Think back to small town living when everything, including the gas station and grocery store is closed on Sunday. Being a Western contractor, I have a standard 2 day weekend of Friday and Saturday. Got it? Good.

This whole work week shift weirds me out because now the first day of my work week is Sunday. Sunday...really?! The day I hang out in my pj's, watch movies, kayak, go on motorcycle rides and consider it a success if I actually remember to shower?

I know what you're thinking people...yer thinkin, "Suck it up Trixy, how big a difference could it be? You still get two days off, what's the problem?" Ohhhhhhhh...it's a problem alright. Lemme 'esplain it to you Lucy...

I worked on the 4th floor of our office building for 2 years and we've been on the 3rd floor for 4 years. Who still hits the 4 button in the elevator??? Yup, it's me...and that's just a stupid elevator. Now try having the weekend you've had for 35 years just change cuz you got on an airplane. Ugh!

So, now I'm living in fear for the day I forget to set the alarm to wake me...for my coworkers to be knocking on my door saying, "Dude, get UP!" I just know it's gonna happen because Sunday is the new Monday.

Toto, we're not in Colorado anymore.

Here's what Google looks like when I want to look something up. Neat huh?

I think the Arabic language when it's written out is pure art. Something that's been put up everywhere to remind us of where we are and the culture we are being welcomed into for as long as we choose to stay.

Since there's nothing in this language that looks similar to our alphabet I have no markers to tell me it's anything other than beautiful.

A sign of the apocolypse?

I saw this on my way into the Mall of the Emirates.

A Starbucks with a Lambourghini valet parked out front. What you don't see is the other orange Lambourghini parked behind it and the poor little Mercedes in the back. For those who think $5 coffee is already ridiculous, this is a sure signal for the beginning of the End Times.

And for me, just the usual...one venti caramel latte, extra hot, with whip please.

Couldn't wait for the Foursome

Ski Dubai is MINE!

For those who know me, it's understood what a hurculean feat I accomplished by not knocking over every person in my path from the airport straight to the indoor ski slopes. Instead I managed to make it FOUR WHOLE DAYS before I stopped "waiting for the foursome."

You see I'm working with a group...a group of guys who are not from the US, which means that Futbol, a.k.a. Soccer, is a religion and the Euro Cup tournament is happening right now. More importantly, the match between Italy and France for who gets to advance to the next tourney level was last night. Who do you root for Taunya? Um, yeah...about that...whatever makes you happy Luigi. So, I chose to stay at the hotel last night as they happily trooped off to the bar to watch the game.

Normally we all operate under the rules of the Kindergarten buddy system. Hold hands, look both ways, don't take candy from strangers and don't go to strange places alone. As I walked into my room I saw my boarding gear and thought to myself, "What the hell are you doing here?!" Having no good answer, I put on my layers, grabbed my gear bag and hailed a cab to the mall.

Shall I discuss the looks that a single white girl gets when she walks through an Arab country's largest mall, dressed in workout clothes plus hoodie and carrying snow gear? I think we all get the picture. There were looks, there were eyebrows, there were side glances at friends. I didn't care...I was on a MISSION to check something off my life list!

Was Ski Dubai all I thought it would be? YUP! Unlike most things you build up in your head that turn out to be disappointing, the UAE is good...REALLY good at building "big." Think Texas on steroids with 100 times the money to throw at any problem or challenge. Of the 5 runs, 2 were legitimate runs for a good skier/boarder. There's a 3 minute ride to the top, and about 45 seconds to a minute down.

All in all...I was boarding for 2 hours, did 24 runs with jumps, there was NO (do you hear that Colorado?!) lift line, and I was the only one on my chairlift seat almost everytime. Oh, and for the first time in almost a week I wasn't hot.

Pure snow bliss.

The Bubble

I’ve been in Dubai for 5 days and I’m starting to see and experience “The Desert Bubble.” As a contractor here you are considered a living and working at a level WAY beyond what the normal worker is experiencing, especially since we are here to work with an international resort company who specializes in catering to 5-star clientele. Lots of people talk about the double trap that exists here.

As an upper-level worker here, your company will pay you a competitive salary (TAX FREE), give you housing, housekeeping staff, personal property guard, etc. for you and your family, plus a company car. Also, you are entitled to be flown to your home country to visit once a year on the company dime. All of this is meant to draw the cream of the crop to work and live here in the desert and it’s very attractive to a lot of people because they see the dollar signs and possibility for huge money saving, early retirement, etc... I know I do!

Now here’s the rub…so you get here and start living this awesome Bubble Life where you are now a Baby Sheik in a Big Sheik pond. You’re making money (saving butt loads of cash), not being taxed, have a gardener, housekeeper, cook and guard. Do you really want to give that up when your contract expires? Do you really want to come back to the US and do your own laundry, weed your garden, shop for groceries and cook dinner every night?

Flip side? As a lower-level worker, there are NO employment laws, unions, or employee protection. There is no minimum wage, no maximum shift time. Companies as common practice “hold” their workers’ passport and visa paperwork, working them at double shifts regularly, using minimal safety precautions in construction zones. From a historical perspective, as I drive home to the hotel, I see thousands of Indian workers putting up, literally, the tallest buildings in the world (in weather that’s always over 100 degrees with 70% humidity). This is a live version of the ultimate empire building process.

Welcome to the new pyramids my friends, would you like a strawberry daiquiri?

Arrived without an "international incident"

I left Denver a mere 26 hours ago and now I am blogging to you from my swank accomodations here in Dubai. As (literally) the only white female travelling alone, I instantly became the "little sister" to every former military turned government contractor on the plane. Those southern boys made sure I had my food first, water first, and got to the bathroom first...I could get used to that treatment!

When I arrived at the Dubai airport everything was very clearly labeled and I sailed through customs and I got my very first stamp in my shiney passport. YIPPEE!!

So, to all back home...I've arrived safe, sound, and sleepy. It's 3 am here and I'm going to bed.

G'nite!

Dubai - an architect's dream

I found a website today that I think will help everybody see just how much Dubai has grown since 1990, when the UAE stopped focusing on oil income for their country and started their march toward Total Tourist Domination! There is no doubt in my mind why every architect I've talked to says that Dubai is THE city to build in.

Check it out! http://www.dubai-architecture.info/DUB-GAL1.htm

Everything I know about Dubai I learned from the Internet

Before I’ve even set foot on UAE soil, I have found out this much from my good friend, Google:

Drugs are Bad, Um…’K? – There is a 27 page list of all banned drugs in the UAE, on it are such things like Tylenol, all cold medicines, Prozac, and that little blue pill all the boys like to take. If you have so much as 3 poppy seeds on your person upon entry at the Dubai airport, you will be immediately sentenced to 4 years in prison…their prison, not ours.

Being left-handed is going to suck – I guess that’s my “bathroom business” hand in the Middle East, so I am encouraged not to use it for greetings (waving), touching, or eating. Since I do ALL of those things with my left hand, this should be fun!

BYOT - Speaking of bathroom business, I've been encouraged by both The Internet and some international traveller friends to bring my own toilet paper. Apparently, it's not always the "norm" to have it available and they charge you money per square to have it provided. YOWZA!

Being a woman doesn’t suck…as much - Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have to cover up in anything like a hijab or burka, so far I only have to cover my head if I go to the National Museum or the Great Mosque…and also long skirts are recommended to show respect at these places, but not required.

Hide the soles of your feet – I will need to remember that sitting with the soles of my feet showing is a universal insult. Something akin to telling people they are no better than the dirt on my shoes. Good note to self.

Yes, there IS a Holiday Inn Express, Dubai edition – And I’m going to see it first hand.

Israel does not exist – If you have so much as a stamp in your US passport that says you’ve been to Israel, you are not admitted into the country. Can’t we all just get along?

Buying gold at the Gold Souk is AWESOME! – You only pay for it by weight, instead of all the other artistry fees, taxes, etc. and bargaining is expected.

I leave on Thursday to start my adventure, so I guess we'll all see what turns out to be true and what's just Internet Hooey!

Where the heck is Dubai?

I got this question after one of my posts and since I literally didn't know where on Earth Dubai was until I signed up to go, lemme e'splain it to you Lucy.

Dubai is situated on the Persian Gulf coast in the northwest of the United Arab Emirates. The city is the capital of the emirate of the same name and is sometimes referred to as Dubai City. Dubai has the largest population and is the second largest emirate by area, after Abu Dhabi. The Dubai emirate covers around 3,900 sq km, while the city itself is roughly 35 sq km.

Dubai shares borders with Abu Dhabi in the south, Sharjah in the northeast, and the Sultanate of Oman in the southeast.

Dubai Creek, a natural inlet from the Gulf, divides the city in two. It runs northeast-southwest through the city. The eastern section of the city forms the locality of Deira and is flanked by the emirate of Sharjah in the east and the town of Al Aweer in the south.

Climate - Dubai has a sub-tropical, arid climate. Rainfall is infrequent and irregular. Between November and March, Dubai weather is warm and sunny without being unbearably hot. Winter temperatures are around 23 degrees C in the daytime, while nights are cooler.

Local time - Dubai Time is + 4 Hours GMT

Language - The official language is Arabic, Arabic and English are commonly used in business and commerce. Hindi and Urdu are also widely used.

And that is your geography lesson for the day.

Where, oh WHERE will I get good BBQ?!

Why on the desert 4x4 tour, you big sillyhead!

My coworker and buddy in this adventure, NH, just emailed one of the "extracurricular" activities we will be trying:

The ultimate Arabian Desert Wonder Safari with your own private 4x4 vehicle!

WOO HOO! And for only $75 US Dollars I don't think I can pass it up! Here's the summary:

Depart Dubai in the afternoon and take a thrilling sand dune drive to your first destination, the camel farm. The drive continues across the desert where you will witness a beautiful desert sunset. This is one of the highlights of a trip to the Arabian deserts. Prepare to be amazed!

Upon arrival at the campsite, you will have the opportunity to ride a camel, go sandboarding and try out a henna design on your hands or feet.

Next, enjoy a delicious BBQ dinner and a shisha (the famous Arabic water pipe). The evening includes a belly dancer performing her show around the campfire by starlight.

Now I hate to say this, but isn't there an obvious question here? If we are stopping at a Camel Farm...AND there's a BBQ...what do you suppose will be the meat under that sauce? We shall see.

What are you talking about? There's no snow in the desert!

Oh, but I beg to differ my friends! As many of us say in any given week, "Hey guys, I saw the coolest thing on the Discovery Channel last night." That is where I found this...

"Ski Dubai is a winter wonderland in the desert. Located in the sun-baked desert emirate of Dubai, the cavernous 32,290-square-foot indoor ski resort counts five downhill ski runs varying in difficulty (the longest is 1,312 feet with a 196.85 foot fall), a cross-country trail, a 295.2-foot quarter-pipe for snowboarders, and, of course, a chairlift.

Located next to the Mall of the Emirates, the $275 million winter wonderland also boasts the world's largest indoor snow park. At 9,842 square feet, it offers tobogganing hills, a twin track bobsled ride, a snowball throwing gallery, and a snow cavern.

While the exterior temperature in Dubai ranges from 60 to 135 degrees Fahrenheit, the ski area remains a constant 28 degrees. The entire structure is designed as a capacious cold box. The walls have several layers of insulation and 23 blast coolers. Two feet of snow pack lies underneath a layer of fresh powder that is replenished every night by mimicking mother nature: Chemical-free water is put into a specially designed chiller, sent through pipes into snow guns, and blown out into the freezing cold environment which crystallizes into snow."

Granted, as a Colorado season ski pass holder, it seems ridiculous to pack up my Burton gear and fly to a place whose average temp in June and July is 130 degrees (Yes - the temperature you smoke meat at) to strap on a board. And YES, my friends are laughing and pointing at me but I'm going!

I'm going and it's gonna be cool...cool like The Fonz, like things that glow in the dark, like BLUE FOOD...oh yeah, it's gonna be cool like that!

wanna see more? go to: http://www.skidubai.com/

How it began...

So, on May 6, 2008 I get this email surprise in my In Box:
Hi T,

We have a project coming up in June for a client of ours in Dubai. At this point I am not sure who we will be sending but I am trying to get an idea of who would like to go and who is not interested. Whoever does go will need to be there for a month. Let me know.

The Boss

Hmmmmmmmmm...now what does a little Iowa farm girl that's never been out of the country (but is still trying to be a professional), say to this kind of inquiry? She says this...

Snowboarding in Dubai...I'm IN!!!

I didn't say I ACHIEVED coming across as a professional, I just said I was trying.

And so, that is how my trip came to be...