Goodbye Dubai

I have officially run out of time here in Dubai and now it's time to pack up and fly home. This is a bittersweet parting between feeling excited to get home to my friends, family and loved ones and feeling sad at leaving all my new Emirates friends. But there's GOOD NEWS!

I have run out of time, but not out of writing! There are still blog posts to finish before the "Dubai Chronicles" are complete. So until I can finish I'll leave you with this one...

Leaving the Bubble

One of my first posts was about the "Bubble Life" and the difference between the Haves and Have Nots in this society. For example, on the fringe of the city I literally pass a herd of camels every day that are out to pasture in the area across from our building.

I asked myself...Where do they come from? Who watches over them day and night? And, being me, I went to find out...

Look at the pictures above any time you think you've gotten a raw deal because somebody took the last blueberry bagel on the all-you-can-eat buffet. I pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the car. I met the two camel shepards and they showed me around, including the camel pens that comprise the only home they know as the city continues to close in around them. The structure these men live in is a former plastic water container. The camel pens are actually better than the human accomodations. These men treated me better than most of the "upperclass" I've encountered here. The shepards barely spoke English, but out of politeness and honor they welcomed me immediately. I was offered tea and what little food they had for themselves. I took pictures of the surroundings, but they declined to be photographed because there was no water to clean up with...they had to save it for the camels to drink. I gave them 20 Dirhams for the tour...more than they make in a week and less than I spend on a Starbuck's latte and made my way back to the city.

When I left the shepards to go back to my host company paid "thank you for training us" present of a 5-star Villa (a place I'd NEVER be able to afford if I had to pay for it) I almost felt ashamed of it. I have been very blessed personally and professionally. I'm still amazed that this Iowa farm girl has been PAID to wake up and play in the Middle East for the last 6 weeks. Every time I go places and experience awesomeness...both big and small...I am thankful.

Goodbye Dubai.

You know it’s summer in Dubai when…

…you have to wear a sweater and socks in the office because the AC is set so low you can now store meat in your cube.

…you try not to sit anywhere because your sweaty clothes stick to your backside. And you used to think those funny lawn chair patterns were embarrassing!

…your glasses, even sunglasses, steam over every time you go from inside to outside, making you look a bit crazed or like the creature from the Blue Lagoon.

…you wish you’d done more stuff outside when it was cool back home because now your exercise consists of running from one air conditioned place to another.

…you watch 5 old episodes of Gilmore Girls, back-to-back, and don’t consider it a wasted day.

…sweat patterns on your clothes become a fun “guess that Rorschach pattern” game for you and your friends.

Wild Kingdom

Captain Canada loves to go out dancing in the clubs. I also love to dance, but I don’t really like to start my evening at midnight; and anything that goes after 3 AM starts to feel like a hostage situation. You see we already have a fundamental disconnect.

However, since we firmly adhere to the Kindergarten Fieldtrip Rule: Always stay with your buddy! - my trusty sidekick has been thrown down ski slopes, sand dunes and into dolphin-infested waters; now it was my turn to suck it up and head out to the club where he finds his bliss.

Our evening begins with a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant…where everyone knows our name. (NORM!)

At 11 o’clock we prep for our evening out…complete with WAY bigger hair and makeup than I’m used to (think Patrick Swayze in To Wong Fu) but hey…it’s club attire and if you’re not “in” you’ll be standing outside in line all night. Okay, Disco Check done, it’s time to go.

At the club the line moves quickly and Canada puts me in front because girls (and the guys with them) have a separate, faster, line. Oh…and ladies don’t have to pay. This is an incentive to get more girls in the club, because if girls are there…guys will follow…DUH!

Once in the club, it didn’t take long to assess the situation. I have two words for you… Meat Market.

No big deal, I’m there with a dude and most people think we’re “together” so they leave us alone. But wait! What happens when (after 6 drinks) the dude has to visit the bathroom? A blatant violation of the aforementioned Kindergarten Rule, that’s what!

Visualize the Serengeti…
A gazelle stands happily grazing in the meadow. The rest of the herd moves on without her noticing. Did anyone hear that? Is there a rustling in the grass over there? Is there a different scent in the air? YES! It’s lions…a whole pride of them…poised to attack! Run little gazelle, RUN!!!

This gazelle was not very bright…this gazelle was busy drinking her water and getting her groove on. She did not notice the lions waiting in the grass. She thought she was safe within the herd. Stupid, stupid gazelle…

BOOM! Canada is in the can. Taunya is on the dance floor and the lions close in. There’s pushing, there’s shoving, there’s growling among the lions, however…there is NO TOUCHING of the actual gazelle! Thank goodness, but how is this possible?

Enter my night club heroes… Antook and Khalid (a.k.a. Andy and Kal) – two of the biggest dudes I’ve seen in the place aside from the bouncers. They proceed to push the rest of the lions out of the way and ask if I have enough room.

Gazelle: “Why yes, thank you very much!”
Lions: “Would you like another drink? Tequila shots or Vodka perhaps?” – Ahhh…I said they were nice, but they ARE still lions.
Gazelle: “No thanks, I’m driving (total lie, we took a taxi) – just water for me.” This gazelle might be slow, but she sure isn’t gonna be in the newspapers for being the stupid, drunk one.
Lions: “Cigarette?”
Gazelle: “No thanks.”
Lions: “Ahh…you are a healthy girl. Nice girl. May we hang out with you for a while?”
Gazelle: “Yes, that would be nice.”

The night passed as I danced and talked with my new lion friends. They were particularly helpful at closing time, when we had to guide a very drunken Canadian out of the club and pour him into the taxi. I tried not to be rude and maneuver out of my big fat “I’m driving lie.” Because now they were insisting I should let them drive us home. Ummm, thanks but no thanks…no lions at the hotel door.

So, in the end, the gazelle lives to see another day and there will be no more wandering into the Wild Kingdom.

Bad Pickup Lines – Dubai Style

Let me share with you a Universal Truth...No matter where a girl goes, there’s gonna be a guy waiting to use bad pickup lines on her.

Some of my personal favorites on this trip are: - Oh, and yes...I realize there are only six instead of the usual "top ten" but really...after you've heard these you kinda stop listening:

6. Ahhh…you are a trainer? Want to be my teacher?
- Yeah…first lesson, how to shut up and walk away before I kick your @$$.

5. America? I love Americans…can I love you?
- Um, nope!

4. As a man, it is my duty to look after you. Please, walk in front of me so I can look after you.
- Ewww...walk away slowly and with your back in another direction!)

3. My wife, she needs a friend, will you be my new wife?
- Really? Cuz I think she might be the one who needs a little something “new.”

2. You are so bee-yoo-ti-ful, I thought you were Lebanese.
- Nope, sorry, I like guys. (There Doug, are you happy now? Your joke actually came true!)

And now for the most common and my all time favorite…(drum roll please!)

1. I respect women. If you were mine, I would DIE for you!
- Aww...aren’t you just the sweetest thing?! Now go stand over there with the rest of my kamikaze army to await your orders.

Seven HUNDRED Dollars?!

After five weeks “in country” there has been so much to see and do and buy that I just couldn’t help myself from shopping for all my (and other people’s Harley-related) Christmas gifts while I’m here. I mean really…who could possibly pass up that fuzzy camel wearing pink lipstick?!

That being said, it will come as no surprise that I have bought too much stuff! So now I’m faced with some choices…how do you like choices, Taunya? Hmmm…at this point I don’t like them much at all.

Being the smarty pants that I am I thought, “Hey, no big deal. I’ll just ship a box or two home and save myself the trouble.” For those who have not traveled abroad, please take this opportunity to learn from my naiveté.

Picture, if you will, happy little Taunya, executing Plan A – Ship Stuff Home. Packing up her 2 boxes and heading out to find a UPS or FedEx. Doo-dee-doo…Taunya walks into FedEx and sets the boxes on the scale, hands over her corporate shipping ID and awaits the total.

Two boxes…10 kilograms…$700…quick head-snap to look the clerk in the eye because by now I am SURE that it was because we may not speak the same language.

“Um, excuse me? You mean Dirhams, right?” Taunya says expecting the common misunderstanding.

“No Miss…Dollars, American Dollars…Seven Hundred.”

Whoa. Yeah…not happening…moving to Plan B - back in the car to see what UPS has to say.

“Hi there nice UPS lady. I’d like to ship these two small boxes to Colorado, USA please.”

“Absolutely, ma’am…that will be $630.”

UGH!

Now I am forced to create a Plan C, which is not something I am used to doing as a card carrying member of Advanced Planners Anonymous.

This is where my Canadian colleague comes to the rescue! Men…they have a different approach to travel that normally includes “packing” the equivalent of the clothes they are wearing and (if you’re lucky) a toothbrush. Because Captain Canada is this type of male, he has kindly offered to schlep a bag on his flight to the US and then ship it to me for the proper price of $20 MAX!

WHEW! Now all I have to do is buy an entire new suitcase to put it all in…excellent…another trip to the mall for me!

Go for the GOLD!

This is just a quick shout out to all my co-workers back in Colorado Springs who are participating in a fun work activity this week...the Office Olympics started today, complete with opening ceremonies...which I heard were a rousing success!

Events include the floppy discus toss, paper clip doubles, airplane throw, chair rowing, wastebasketball, yoga ball bouncing, marker archery, and paper cup stacking and water relay.

Hip, Hip, HURRAH for the "office athletes" who are making their own fun and good luck to you all! Wish I could be there to see it in person, but I'll take any pictures you care to send my way.

By the Numbers

Contrary to popular belief I have been sent to Dubai to do something other than shop, tour museums, snowboard, become a dunebuggy ace, ride dolphins, etc. This thing I'm doing in between fun is called...WORK.

Here's a By the Numbers snapshot of what will be accomplished for our client by the time the "training team"(read: me & the Canadian)finishes our 6 week tour.

2 custom interactive training programs produced
1 online help system created
350 page manager training guide written
60 page staff training guide written
83 separate topics covered
15 classroom classes taught (put on that Colgate smile!)
250 students trained

So there it is...that's what I do while I'm thinking of the next thing to blog about. :-)Hope everyone's having a great week!

DOLPHINS!!!

For those of you who were sick of me doing sand-related activities. How do you feel about swimming with dolphins?

Well, I LOVED IT!!! Bet you couldn't tell from the giant smile I have pasted all over my face in these pictures, huh?!

The Dubai Dolphinarium (yeah...I'm not sure if it's really a word either...) opened just over a month ago. In addition to the usual Sea World-type shows with seals and dolphins, they have a "swim with dolphins" program too. When I read about this in my new weekly cultural happenings bible, "Time Out - Dubai edition" I jumped on the phone and scheduled a time slot.

There were two options for swimming:
1) Private - SPENDY at 1500 Dirhams per person
2) Mixed Group - a bargain at 350 Dirhams per person

What I've learned...if you are here in the hottest months of the year, i.e., June, July, August sign up for the group cuz more likely than not you're gonna be the only one crazy enough to be in the city.

The Canadian and I showed up for our allotted group time expecting to be able to maybe touch a dolphin. Instead our group consisted of 3 adults and one little kid. As soon as we were in our swim suits the trainer said "Hop IN!"

Ya don't have to tell me twice...into the water I went...and didn't come out for 1/2 an hour! These three dolphins were the biggest sweeties I've ever seen. We got to pet them, do handshakes, ride them and rub their tummies (which they love, just like dogs!). One of them kept "sneaking" up on me (see the pic on the right above) and bumping me with her nose so I would swim with her.

As further proof that (like Colorado) nobody's actually FROM here...the dolphins and their trainer are originally from the Ukraine and were transferred from a resort that closed.

Now I have 3 major events checked off the Life List and I've still got 2 more weeks to go. I think we're all wondering the same question...what's next?

Let’s go to the Mall!

In Dubai, shopping is the National Sport. There’s even an entire month dedicated to consumerism, called “The Dubai Shopping Festival.” In the UAE, you can’t swing a dead sand cat without hitting a shopping area. Currently Mall of the Emirates is the 3rd largest mall in the world, and when the currently under construction Dubai Mall opens it's doors, it will be the Mothership...the Largest in the World!

Back home, I am not really a “mall person” so at first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. But as much as I fought it, I’m starting to prefer malls to the traditional Souks (vendor street markets). It seems Robin Sparkles sang it best, “the mall is where it’s at.”

Here’s my list of why I go to the mall:

* Air Conditioning
* Ski Dubai – for ultra air conditioning
* Great food – and not that craptastic food court stuff either! We’re talking REALLY good food... in REALLY nice restaurants from all over the world. I even happened upon an Iron Chef contest hosted by the National Culinary Association in the main area of a mall.
* Pharmacy – for all my après boarding needs, like Advil.
* Ski Dubai
* The Ice Bar - cool enough to induce it's own ice cream headache.

* Starbucks/Caribou Coffee – yes, they both have stores here.
* Ski Dubai
* Movie theatres - with actual movies that are releasing at the same time as in the US.
* Ski Dubai
* People watching – We’re talking all different cultures with people dressed like Baywatch bikini girls all the way to full on Islamic Burka coverups.

Oh, and did I mention this cute little place called Ski Dubai? So anytime you want to join me, let’s meet at the Mall!

That’ll be 20 Dirhams even.

I love living the tax free life!

You may not know this, but there are no taxes in the UAE. None, nada, ziltch! If you work for a company here, you make what they say you make. When you go shopping, the tag IS the price. Even the restaurants include all the municipality fees and service charges (i.e., waiter/waitress tips).

It’s perfect for me. There are no surprises at the counter for not being able to do math. Well, except for the exchange rate, UGH! Now let’s see…is that multiply or divide by 3.48? Crap!

Okay, well obviously there’s still work to do, but I’ll leave it up to Visa.

Culture Shock

Ever since I arrived in the Emirates people have been asking me questions like; “How’s the culture? Are you homesick? Do people talk to you?”

After several weeks of living and working in Dubai, I must admit I’ve gotten spoiled. You see, this is a Courtesy Culture. A society built on making others feel welcome and content to be here. Where the rule of thumb is, “Always smile and never say No.”

For example: Every morning at the continental breakfast at least 3 hotel employees greet me by name. At the hotel restaurant, the greeter, waitress, manager, and bar staff all welcome me back…it’s like being Norm from Cheers. I don’t have to order, they just bring me what they know I like.

However, today I had a full-frontal attack of Culture Shock, but not in the way you’d think...I got “Identity Thefted.”

Here’s how it happened: I went online to do some general “life maintenance.” When I opened my online bank statement, I was surprised to find several pending withdrawals from my account totaling about $1500.00. Um…WHAT?!...there’s only about 3 days a month I even HAVE that much in my account!

Who would do this kind of dastardly deed? Some sneaky street vendor from the Souk? A dirty dealing, underpaid restaurant worker? That guy who stood WAY to close to me at the ATM last time?

If you guessed any of these…the answer is, NO! Further investigation led me straight to PayPal. Yeah, PayPal in the…United States. To add insult to injury, I can’t take care of any of this online…I have to call the bank…to keep my information secure. REALLY?! Did you just tell me that after I see $1500.00 wooshing out of my account?

Calling the Bank…
Bank: Hello this is X, can I help you?
Me: Hi, X, I sure hope so. I’m in a bit of a jam here. You see I’m calling you from overseas and I’ve found some unusual activity on my account back in the US. Can we look over that please?
Bank: Okay, let me put you on hold while I access your account.
Me: Oh wait, don’t put me on hold, this is an expensive call…crap, hold music.
wait for 2 minutes and jam to Girl from Ipineema
Bank: Yeah, there are several withdrawals, what do you want me to do about it?
Me: I’m not even in the US to be making those withdrawals, can you please cancel them?
Bank: Well I guess so, but you also need to freeze this account and come into a branch to open a new one. Do you want me to cancel your card too?
Me: No, no, no…you can’t freeze my account, I’m overseas in Dubai.
Bank: Doo Bay, isn’t that in Minnesota? We have branches in Minnesota. I’ll just go ahead and cancel your card.
Me: No, I said NO, you can’t freeze or cancel anything. I’ll have no access to my money.
Bank: Well Ma’am, I just don’t know what you want from me.
Me: I want your manager…Now.
Bank: More hold music…DAMMIT!
wait for 3 minutes and jam again...
Bank Manager: Hello Ma’am, X here has told me you need assistance in freezing your account? How can I help you?
Me: ARGH, wimper…no I don’t need that. Please just cancel the last $1500 in withdrawals.
Bank Manager: That’s a rather large amount to reverse, could you perhaps be a victim of identity theft? Because our usual protocol is to… (and I hang up)

We all know that getting financial matters straightened out with a bank is annoying at best. Now let’s throw in the added fun of being overseas where any phone call is $2.30 a MINUTE! Only to be told by the surly AMERICAN call center woman that my only option is to freeze my account. Oh…I don’t think so. Now it’s time to call PayPal…

I’m sure you get the picture. The good news is after almost $100 in phone charges my bank account is fine, the PayPal account I’d forgotten I even had is cancelled, and all is well.

However, after being jolted out of my Doo Bay happy place and being reminded of what “customer service” means back home, I can say with absolute certainty that I’m going up to the place (where everybody knows my name) to recover from my serving of “good ole U - S of A” culture shock. UGH!

Ice, Ice Baby!

With weather temps soaring into and over 120 degrees, you are foolish to think you can touch your car’s steering wheel after it’s been in the sunny parking lot all day and keep your fingertips.
Because I am that kind of fool, I have dubbed this week, “ICE WEEK.” I’m sure you’ve been able to tell from my activities lately, this city is totally prepared to keep me entertained.

In search of the elusive “cool” we went to an Ice Bar. Yup, that’s right…a whole bar for you and your friends to literally chill out at a temperature of -6 Celcius.

When you walk in, you are greeted with a coat room. Not like the ones in the States where they take your coat. In this room the GIVE you a coat…and mittens…and little booties if you’re wearing sandals without socks…tres chic!

Next, you go through a cooler door that looks just like every meat locker door you’ve seen in all those horror movies. You know the ones…those movies you’re screaming at the girl, “DON’T GO IN THERE!” Yeah that’s the door…and I even went in, without a flashlight.

Ahhh, sweet, cool air! And ice…man they aren’t kidding either. Everything was made of the stuff. Couches, chairs, lights, sculptures, plates, cups, martini glasses…the BAR and SHELVES!

We ordered our cover charge mandated 60 Dirham mocktail (remember this is a dry country in most senses of the word unless you’re at a resort hotel) and sat back on our fluffy sheepskin ice chairs. I resisted the urge to be a jackass and ask for ice in my drink and sipped the yummy strawberry juice.

After becoming comfortably numb and moving into the early stages of frostbite, we decided to return to the sauna of the real world once more. Back through the meat locker door without so much as a tongue frozen to a tether pole. The coat check girl was there to take our layers and hand out lemon scented hot towels, very nice!

So, when you’re just too hot for your own good and don’t want to hit the slopes of Ski Dubai, I’d highly recommend getting ice, iced baby!

To Board or Not To Board...now that's a silly question!

You KNOW I couldn't just go snowboarding once. I mean really...I lugged all this gear to the desert so I'd better use it, right?! This time I had company...well, company in a couple ways.

First, the Canadian had never snowboarded and wanted to give it a try. Funny isn't it? It's okay, go ahead and laugh...his instructor sure did! But in Canada's defense, he played hockey and if you're from the Northern climes you know that if you're in one snow/winter sport there's really no time to be in any of the others...okay, now you can resume the laughing.

Second, apparently I also flew half way around the world to suck. On my second run of the night a ski patrol guy, Toofic, (no, I'm not making up that name) came up to me and asked, very respectfully, if I would mind receiving a couple of pointers on my technique. (Now here's where the girls have to be a bit careful, cuz sometimes a "pointer" could be something totally different!) Uh...okay...sure, what's up?

Let the 1 1/2 hour private snowboarding lesson by a Lebanese snow pro begin! (Yes Doug...I said Lebanese and your joke still isn't funny.) We did alignment drills, speed drills, and do it "really wrong" so you almost die drills until my time ran out on the electronic card. THEN, he just had me bypass the ropes and get directly on the lift so we could keep going. Just one more thing...just one more thing...wow...guess I needed more work than I thought!

All in all, it was an amazing lesson and I WAS boarding faster and more confidently than I ever have and doing jumps I wouldn't have tried an hour before. So, a big thanks to Ski Dubai for teaching the Canadian and Coloradan a thing or two about snow sports!

Forbidden

This is what you see when you try to access a site that is deemed "unacceptable" by those who govern that kind of thing here. I had no idea that trying to log onto a doggy daycare website would be so scandalous!

Actually, it turned out to be the #2 reason...the server wasn't available. Sheesh, now I'm boring again, what a disappointment.

Another Machine

We stumbled upon another "machine" here. This one has to be seen in action to be believed.

Enjoy a little potty humor brought to you by the fine people of Dubai...sorry for the sideways shooting. ;-) Thanks to Doug, if you want a right-side up version, go here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cnj1JQI27U

My Sepia Day

I went out looking around took a few (hundred) pictures...what a shocker, huh? This is what the world looked like through my eyes.

* I went down an alley and thought the Mosque tower looked cool from down in between the buildings.
* The doorway is an average one for going into public buildings, but I love the detail.
* Everyone in the apartment areas hang their laundry right out their windows to dry, it's quite a site to see the entire side of a building covered in all kinds of people's clothes.
* I saw these mops just resting on a stairway as I walked by, and they reminded me of the Magician's Apprentice from Fantasia...I expected to see Mickey Mouse running to catch them at any moment.
* Windtowers are used here to get cool air into the homes. The wind hits these towers and it gets funnelled down a few stories and into the house. Very interesting engineering.

I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I liked taking them!

Happy 4th of July!

July 4th is a date on every calendar, but in the U.S. it's the anniversary of our nation's birth. In the UAE, it's just another Friday and I miss my holiday.

The day friends and family get together, go fishing, eat BBQ, and watch explosions of color in the sky. Ohhhh...ahhhh...look, that one's shaped like a palm tree!

To all that read this little diary, know that I am thinking of you always, but especially today.

1 4 3

Best.Day.Ever...on a dune buggy

In the office this week the Canadian says to me, “How do you feel about going on a desert safari called Dune Bashing?” HAHAHAHAHA…Silly boy…

If you’re near a desert…any desert…and they have dune buggies, not Range Rovers, not Quad Runners, but dune buggies; you MUST do it! Forget about letting some tour guide do all the driving and hog all the fun. Take the wheel, give it some gas and forget there’s even a brake!

There’s no feeling that compares to zooming along the top of a 100 ft dune at 40 mph then looking WAY down and going for the drop-in over the edge.

All of a sudden you’re on 2 wheels instead of 4, your ass is in the air, and you’re thanking Allah for the 4 point harness and helmet. WOO HOO - Now that’s what I call fun!

Before I talk more about my super awesome day, I have to take a moment and thank 181. I am deeply appreciative for all the sand vs. mud tutorials, teaching me about rear steering, and all the track lessons in general because…not only did I know how to find my lines, but I always gave it WAY more gas than I wanted and made every jump. In fact, toward the end of our 2 hour tour, I had to keep reminding myself that this was NOT a track and I was NOT supposed to pass the leader!

As with all activities that require a helmet, we had a safety talk…
Rule #1: Here’s the gas pedal, here’s the brake pedal. That thing in front of you, that's the steering wheel. Use them.
Rule #2: No matter how much fun you’re having, keep your mouth shut. It’ll fill with sand as soon as you clear the first jump and you’ll be chewing rocks the rest of the day.
Rule #3: If you get stuck or hit something, wait for the support vehicle.
Rule #4: Don’t hit the camels…or the goats.

Are we all clear on the rules? Good, but don’t worry, this stuff hardly ever happens.

Here are some of the play-by-play highlights:

After about 10 minutes of warm-up driving, we hit our first big drop. As I was flying over a blind drop-off I squealed with delight…wrong move…I was in BLATANT violation of Rule #2. They were right, that sand gets in the darnedest places.

The Canadian lost his line, fishtailed for a bit, hit a couple bushes and had to be towed back onto safe ground, but he soon caught up with us so it was all good. (Rule #3, check!)

Next, we popped over a dune jump to find…you guessed it…CAMELS! There were 7 to 10 of them, right there in the middle of friggin’ nowhere and right on the path.

In fact, they took great exception to us thinking it was our path and started huffing and grunting at us. We followed them for a bit and then our leader passed the herd. I was next and made it past 4 of them with 3 to go, but then I heard a big bellow and the bull I just passed started to charge me. That’s right, I got camel blocked! So, I raced alongside him for a bit and chose another line off the path to get around them. (Rule #4, harder than I thought!)

When we all pulled back into the garage our guide paid me the highest honor he could by saying, with both thumbs up, in his cute Indian accent, “You were ROCKIN’ it out there Miss Taunya, not like a girl at all!”

So, at the end of the day here’s my advice. Dune bashing, don’t ask how much it’ll cost, how hot it’ll be, or how long the drive is, just sign up and do it. It’ll be your best day!

Note: If you’re so inclined, I highly recommend the guys at Desert Rangers for all your adventure needs. http://www.chooseyourevent.com/profile.asp?cid=1029

Do you remember 3rd grade Metrics?

Because I DON'T! Let's review, I DON'T DO MATH. At All.Never.Ever...Get it?

As a filthy, non-metric American I am completely handicapped in pretty much the entire rest of the world. The Italian, Aussie, and Canadian all know what's going on and I'm always in the dark. Every time I ask a question related to the temperature, distance, or weight I'm thwarted at the Metric Moat...and believe me, beyond here there be Dragons, Matey!

So, I predict that unless I repeat 3rd grade with Mrs. Jones - which won't be happening, just ask my mom about THAT one, it's really good; Metrics, along with the Dollar to Dirham conversion rate (currently 3.48) is going to be my undoing.

For example:
How hot is 47 Degrees Celcius?
How far is 70 Kilometers?
How heavy is 53 Kilograms?

For my education and now yours, let's take a stroll down Metric Lane, shall we?

Here's what "the book" says...
The metric system is used worldwide in international trade and in science.

The metric system, which is based on a system of 10, is simple. All metric units are changed like this. To change to a larger or smaller unit, you simply multiply or divide by a multiple of 10. It's easy! (SHA! RIGHT! What...pause for dramatic effect...Ever!)

The other system, the English system, is difficult to use because it's hard to convert from one unit to another.
(Uh-huh, sure...except it's the only one I know. Miles, feet, inches, pounds, fahrenheit, I get it!)

Temperature - Temperature measures the average speed of molecules in a body of matter by measuring how fast molecules are moving around in an object. The faster the molecules are moving, the hotter the object is. The slower the molecules are moving, the colder the object is.
(Okay, seriously, I probably "knew" that at one time and I'll bet my 7 year old buddy, J-man, coulda told me this, but I think the actual definition of temperature left me when all those weak brain cells died after my first kegger. But...there's more!)
Most countries measure in Celsius but the United States of America is one of the few countries to measure in Fahrenheit. The red liquid in thermometers is usually alcohol because mercury, which was used in the past, is a dangerous subtance.
(Wait...quick question for my Mom...So let me get this straight...we WEREN'T supposed to wipe up that dropped thermometer mercury with a paper towel? And again, just to clarify, I WASN'T supposed to rub it in my brother's face? Just checkin'...Okay, please continue oh great Metric Guru.)
Temperature is a measurement that is important for knowing how materials or life will respond.
47 Celcius = 117 degrees Fahrenheit (That's the current temperature here.)

Length - The meter is the standard unit and portions of that are in tens.
1 meter = 3.28083 feet
1 kilometer = 1.60934885 km (70 km is how far I drive to work every day.)

Mass - When you record mass the unit you use is grams. A medium sized leaf is about 1 gram, a potato chip 2 grams. A larger unit of mass is a kilogram. A kilogram is about the mass of a medium sized text book. You need a balance to find mass.
(Cool - I also need a good work/life balance - my HR Director even said s0 - to find life long happiness, so once I find that I think I'll be able to see how much things weigh. NICE!)
1 pound = 0.4536176 kg (Don't you worry about what 53 kilograms is! It's good enough that I know.)

Gee, that helped, didn't it? And I thought this metric thing was gonna be hard. Pardon me while I go look for something to soothe the pounding in my head.

Special Geek Note: In case you forget any of the valuable information I've given you today, just go here for all your Metric conversion needs: http://library.thinkquest.org/3804/

I'll just go back to jumping off stuff and taking pictures of funny signs now, thanks.