Goodbye Dubai

I have officially run out of time here in Dubai and now it's time to pack up and fly home. This is a bittersweet parting between feeling excited to get home to my friends, family and loved ones and feeling sad at leaving all my new Emirates friends. But there's GOOD NEWS!

I have run out of time, but not out of writing! There are still blog posts to finish before the "Dubai Chronicles" are complete. So until I can finish I'll leave you with this one...

Leaving the Bubble

One of my first posts was about the "Bubble Life" and the difference between the Haves and Have Nots in this society. For example, on the fringe of the city I literally pass a herd of camels every day that are out to pasture in the area across from our building.

I asked myself...Where do they come from? Who watches over them day and night? And, being me, I went to find out...

Look at the pictures above any time you think you've gotten a raw deal because somebody took the last blueberry bagel on the all-you-can-eat buffet. I pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the car. I met the two camel shepards and they showed me around, including the camel pens that comprise the only home they know as the city continues to close in around them. The structure these men live in is a former plastic water container. The camel pens are actually better than the human accomodations. These men treated me better than most of the "upperclass" I've encountered here. The shepards barely spoke English, but out of politeness and honor they welcomed me immediately. I was offered tea and what little food they had for themselves. I took pictures of the surroundings, but they declined to be photographed because there was no water to clean up with...they had to save it for the camels to drink. I gave them 20 Dirhams for the tour...more than they make in a week and less than I spend on a Starbuck's latte and made my way back to the city.

When I left the shepards to go back to my host company paid "thank you for training us" present of a 5-star Villa (a place I'd NEVER be able to afford if I had to pay for it) I almost felt ashamed of it. I have been very blessed personally and professionally. I'm still amazed that this Iowa farm girl has been PAID to wake up and play in the Middle East for the last 6 weeks. Every time I go places and experience awesomeness...both big and small...I am thankful.

Goodbye Dubai.

You know it’s summer in Dubai when…

…you have to wear a sweater and socks in the office because the AC is set so low you can now store meat in your cube.

…you try not to sit anywhere because your sweaty clothes stick to your backside. And you used to think those funny lawn chair patterns were embarrassing!

…your glasses, even sunglasses, steam over every time you go from inside to outside, making you look a bit crazed or like the creature from the Blue Lagoon.

…you wish you’d done more stuff outside when it was cool back home because now your exercise consists of running from one air conditioned place to another.

…you watch 5 old episodes of Gilmore Girls, back-to-back, and don’t consider it a wasted day.

…sweat patterns on your clothes become a fun “guess that Rorschach pattern” game for you and your friends.

Wild Kingdom

Captain Canada loves to go out dancing in the clubs. I also love to dance, but I don’t really like to start my evening at midnight; and anything that goes after 3 AM starts to feel like a hostage situation. You see we already have a fundamental disconnect.

However, since we firmly adhere to the Kindergarten Fieldtrip Rule: Always stay with your buddy! - my trusty sidekick has been thrown down ski slopes, sand dunes and into dolphin-infested waters; now it was my turn to suck it up and head out to the club where he finds his bliss.

Our evening begins with a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant…where everyone knows our name. (NORM!)

At 11 o’clock we prep for our evening out…complete with WAY bigger hair and makeup than I’m used to (think Patrick Swayze in To Wong Fu) but hey…it’s club attire and if you’re not “in” you’ll be standing outside in line all night. Okay, Disco Check done, it’s time to go.

At the club the line moves quickly and Canada puts me in front because girls (and the guys with them) have a separate, faster, line. Oh…and ladies don’t have to pay. This is an incentive to get more girls in the club, because if girls are there…guys will follow…DUH!

Once in the club, it didn’t take long to assess the situation. I have two words for you… Meat Market.

No big deal, I’m there with a dude and most people think we’re “together” so they leave us alone. But wait! What happens when (after 6 drinks) the dude has to visit the bathroom? A blatant violation of the aforementioned Kindergarten Rule, that’s what!

Visualize the Serengeti…
A gazelle stands happily grazing in the meadow. The rest of the herd moves on without her noticing. Did anyone hear that? Is there a rustling in the grass over there? Is there a different scent in the air? YES! It’s lions…a whole pride of them…poised to attack! Run little gazelle, RUN!!!

This gazelle was not very bright…this gazelle was busy drinking her water and getting her groove on. She did not notice the lions waiting in the grass. She thought she was safe within the herd. Stupid, stupid gazelle…

BOOM! Canada is in the can. Taunya is on the dance floor and the lions close in. There’s pushing, there’s shoving, there’s growling among the lions, however…there is NO TOUCHING of the actual gazelle! Thank goodness, but how is this possible?

Enter my night club heroes… Antook and Khalid (a.k.a. Andy and Kal) – two of the biggest dudes I’ve seen in the place aside from the bouncers. They proceed to push the rest of the lions out of the way and ask if I have enough room.

Gazelle: “Why yes, thank you very much!”
Lions: “Would you like another drink? Tequila shots or Vodka perhaps?” – Ahhh…I said they were nice, but they ARE still lions.
Gazelle: “No thanks, I’m driving (total lie, we took a taxi) – just water for me.” This gazelle might be slow, but she sure isn’t gonna be in the newspapers for being the stupid, drunk one.
Lions: “Cigarette?”
Gazelle: “No thanks.”
Lions: “Ahh…you are a healthy girl. Nice girl. May we hang out with you for a while?”
Gazelle: “Yes, that would be nice.”

The night passed as I danced and talked with my new lion friends. They were particularly helpful at closing time, when we had to guide a very drunken Canadian out of the club and pour him into the taxi. I tried not to be rude and maneuver out of my big fat “I’m driving lie.” Because now they were insisting I should let them drive us home. Ummm, thanks but no thanks…no lions at the hotel door.

So, in the end, the gazelle lives to see another day and there will be no more wandering into the Wild Kingdom.

Bad Pickup Lines – Dubai Style

Let me share with you a Universal Truth...No matter where a girl goes, there’s gonna be a guy waiting to use bad pickup lines on her.

Some of my personal favorites on this trip are: - Oh, and yes...I realize there are only six instead of the usual "top ten" but really...after you've heard these you kinda stop listening:

6. Ahhh…you are a trainer? Want to be my teacher?
- Yeah…first lesson, how to shut up and walk away before I kick your @$$.

5. America? I love Americans…can I love you?
- Um, nope!

4. As a man, it is my duty to look after you. Please, walk in front of me so I can look after you.
- Ewww...walk away slowly and with your back in another direction!)

3. My wife, she needs a friend, will you be my new wife?
- Really? Cuz I think she might be the one who needs a little something “new.”

2. You are so bee-yoo-ti-ful, I thought you were Lebanese.
- Nope, sorry, I like guys. (There Doug, are you happy now? Your joke actually came true!)

And now for the most common and my all time favorite…(drum roll please!)

1. I respect women. If you were mine, I would DIE for you!
- Aww...aren’t you just the sweetest thing?! Now go stand over there with the rest of my kamikaze army to await your orders.

Seven HUNDRED Dollars?!

After five weeks “in country” there has been so much to see and do and buy that I just couldn’t help myself from shopping for all my (and other people’s Harley-related) Christmas gifts while I’m here. I mean really…who could possibly pass up that fuzzy camel wearing pink lipstick?!

That being said, it will come as no surprise that I have bought too much stuff! So now I’m faced with some choices…how do you like choices, Taunya? Hmmm…at this point I don’t like them much at all.

Being the smarty pants that I am I thought, “Hey, no big deal. I’ll just ship a box or two home and save myself the trouble.” For those who have not traveled abroad, please take this opportunity to learn from my naiveté.

Picture, if you will, happy little Taunya, executing Plan A – Ship Stuff Home. Packing up her 2 boxes and heading out to find a UPS or FedEx. Doo-dee-doo…Taunya walks into FedEx and sets the boxes on the scale, hands over her corporate shipping ID and awaits the total.

Two boxes…10 kilograms…$700…quick head-snap to look the clerk in the eye because by now I am SURE that it was because we may not speak the same language.

“Um, excuse me? You mean Dirhams, right?” Taunya says expecting the common misunderstanding.

“No Miss…Dollars, American Dollars…Seven Hundred.”

Whoa. Yeah…not happening…moving to Plan B - back in the car to see what UPS has to say.

“Hi there nice UPS lady. I’d like to ship these two small boxes to Colorado, USA please.”

“Absolutely, ma’am…that will be $630.”

UGH!

Now I am forced to create a Plan C, which is not something I am used to doing as a card carrying member of Advanced Planners Anonymous.

This is where my Canadian colleague comes to the rescue! Men…they have a different approach to travel that normally includes “packing” the equivalent of the clothes they are wearing and (if you’re lucky) a toothbrush. Because Captain Canada is this type of male, he has kindly offered to schlep a bag on his flight to the US and then ship it to me for the proper price of $20 MAX!

WHEW! Now all I have to do is buy an entire new suitcase to put it all in…excellent…another trip to the mall for me!

Go for the GOLD!

This is just a quick shout out to all my co-workers back in Colorado Springs who are participating in a fun work activity this week...the Office Olympics started today, complete with opening ceremonies...which I heard were a rousing success!

Events include the floppy discus toss, paper clip doubles, airplane throw, chair rowing, wastebasketball, yoga ball bouncing, marker archery, and paper cup stacking and water relay.

Hip, Hip, HURRAH for the "office athletes" who are making their own fun and good luck to you all! Wish I could be there to see it in person, but I'll take any pictures you care to send my way.

By the Numbers

Contrary to popular belief I have been sent to Dubai to do something other than shop, tour museums, snowboard, become a dunebuggy ace, ride dolphins, etc. This thing I'm doing in between fun is called...WORK.

Here's a By the Numbers snapshot of what will be accomplished for our client by the time the "training team"(read: me & the Canadian)finishes our 6 week tour.

2 custom interactive training programs produced
1 online help system created
350 page manager training guide written
60 page staff training guide written
83 separate topics covered
15 classroom classes taught (put on that Colgate smile!)
250 students trained

So there it is...that's what I do while I'm thinking of the next thing to blog about. :-)Hope everyone's having a great week!