Off to the Merry Land of OZ!

It's been a long while since I've done any International travel on the company dime, but today that's about to change. For the majority of June, I'm on a small "tour" of Sydney, Australia and Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to educate the untrained masses.

I'm not sure how many posts I'll be able to do, but let's see what kinds of fun I can get into, shall we?!

All Hail The Shish!

Since I started this evening with it, I'll begin the blog posts with the topic of Shisha.

When I got here I had no clue about Shisha and the part it plays in the world I'm in, so let's start with a few statements about what it's not. Shisha is NOT a bong or an illegal activity.

On the roof of my hotel is a restaurant (as I've talked about before). After dinner, outside on the veranda, they offered customers the opportunity to relax and order one of the many flavors of shisha pipes. Not being a smoker I was a little leary of it until my trusty Canadian partner in crime invited me to share some of his.

Even outside, the smell of apple, cherry and mint is much like the scent of a bakery using a wood fired stove. So thick are these fruity smells you can almost taste it as it escapes from the tall water pipes sitting next to nearly every table. It really smells good...now I'm intrigued!

For hundreds of years, Middle Eastern people have flocked to this exotic water pipe to smoke fruit-flavored tobacco, talk and watch the world pass by. Along with drinking ridiculously strong coffee at all hours of the day, this deeply-rooted cultural practice of smoking shisha has now become an integral part of Arab social life.

Shisha is:
A small amount of tobacco mixed with molasses and fruit flavors and is smoked in a water pipe. It is very light and flavorful with a fruity aroma. Interestingly, it is smoked for the flavor and not for any kind of effect (thank goodness for me!) Though the most popular flavor is apple, others include cherry, watermelon, strawberry, pineapple, apricot, grape, rose, mint, and even cappuccino!

The shisha pipe, has a hollow glass (sometimes clay or brass) base which is filled with water, a vertical pipe topped with a clay bowl for shisha and coals, and a usually colorful hose. It has many different names, the Egyptians call it shisha; Lebanese refer to it as nargila; and in English, it's a hookah. Tourists sometimes refer to it as "hubble bubble."

When you suck on the hose, the smoke is drawn down the pipe and through the water, which cools and filters it. This also produces this great bubbling sound, almost like when we would blow bubbles in a glass of milk when we were kids. (c'mon you KNOW you did it!)

Anyway, there I was in the cooling evening...I think it had gotten "down" to about 95 degrees...and I'm sucking on a hose on top of a roof. Wow, if that doesn't send you into a college flashback I don't know what will!

The Egyptan "Shisha Master" comes to take our order and explains what everything is and why people do it. A lot of people prefer shisha smoking to cigarettes and cigars because of the smooth, flavorful and cool taste of the smoke. The cooled smoke is pleasant because, if properly prepared, it doesn't tickle the throat at all. It's common for smoking shisha to last for hours while you just kick back with friends.

Smoking shisha is nothing like smoking a cigarette. It's funny, the older generation believes cigarettes are for nervous people, competitive people, people on the run. They say when you smoke shisha, you have time to think. It teaches you patience and tolerance, and gives you an appreciation of good company. I'm told that shisha smokers have a much more balanced approach to life than cigarette smokers. Shisha is something special. ;-)

I truly enjoyed having my relaxing shisha experience and since it was such a big part of life here, I asked for a tour. Atif, "Shisha Master," was only too happy to to show me the ropes! I learned all about folding foil, granite rock filters, coal firing, flavors, and the pipes themselves. I was HOOKED...I had to have one!

So what does an American girl do in this situation? I asked where to shop, of course! In his never ceasing hospitality, Atif offered to shop for one especially for me so I wouldn't pay more than I should (very nice of him although he had no way of knowing that haggling was my new favorite sport!). Anyway, Atif went to the souk on his only day off and got me a wonderful and sturdy "not for tourists" shisha pipe, for not too much money, that I packed home through customs in my carry on....the swords in my other bag...well, that's another story for another night.

I have lovingly used my shisha pipe 3 or 4 tims in the last year and on this anniversary of my trip, I'm still saying thank you to Atif!

Dubai...the anniversary

It's been one year since I was asked by Large Company to fly 1/2 way around the world and experience the Dubai Phenomenon. Tonight I'm sitting on my patio drinking wine and smoking my shisha pipe, reflecting. For those of you who read my chronicles last year, and who have been oh so patient for me to finish my journaling, here is the beginning of your reward.

Goodbye Dubai

I have officially run out of time here in Dubai and now it's time to pack up and fly home. This is a bittersweet parting between feeling excited to get home to my friends, family and loved ones and feeling sad at leaving all my new Emirates friends. But there's GOOD NEWS!

I have run out of time, but not out of writing! There are still blog posts to finish before the "Dubai Chronicles" are complete. So until I can finish I'll leave you with this one...

Leaving the Bubble

One of my first posts was about the "Bubble Life" and the difference between the Haves and Have Nots in this society. For example, on the fringe of the city I literally pass a herd of camels every day that are out to pasture in the area across from our building.

I asked myself...Where do they come from? Who watches over them day and night? And, being me, I went to find out...

Look at the pictures above any time you think you've gotten a raw deal because somebody took the last blueberry bagel on the all-you-can-eat buffet. I pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the car. I met the two camel shepards and they showed me around, including the camel pens that comprise the only home they know as the city continues to close in around them. The structure these men live in is a former plastic water container. The camel pens are actually better than the human accomodations. These men treated me better than most of the "upperclass" I've encountered here. The shepards barely spoke English, but out of politeness and honor they welcomed me immediately. I was offered tea and what little food they had for themselves. I took pictures of the surroundings, but they declined to be photographed because there was no water to clean up with...they had to save it for the camels to drink. I gave them 20 Dirhams for the tour...more than they make in a week and less than I spend on a Starbuck's latte and made my way back to the city.

When I left the shepards to go back to my host company paid "thank you for training us" present of a 5-star Villa (a place I'd NEVER be able to afford if I had to pay for it) I almost felt ashamed of it. I have been very blessed personally and professionally. I'm still amazed that this Iowa farm girl has been PAID to wake up and play in the Middle East for the last 6 weeks. Every time I go places and experience awesomeness...both big and small...I am thankful.

Goodbye Dubai.

You know it’s summer in Dubai when…

…you have to wear a sweater and socks in the office because the AC is set so low you can now store meat in your cube.

…you try not to sit anywhere because your sweaty clothes stick to your backside. And you used to think those funny lawn chair patterns were embarrassing!

…your glasses, even sunglasses, steam over every time you go from inside to outside, making you look a bit crazed or like the creature from the Blue Lagoon.

…you wish you’d done more stuff outside when it was cool back home because now your exercise consists of running from one air conditioned place to another.

…you watch 5 old episodes of Gilmore Girls, back-to-back, and don’t consider it a wasted day.

…sweat patterns on your clothes become a fun “guess that Rorschach pattern” game for you and your friends.

Wild Kingdom

Captain Canada loves to go out dancing in the clubs. I also love to dance, but I don’t really like to start my evening at midnight; and anything that goes after 3 AM starts to feel like a hostage situation. You see we already have a fundamental disconnect.

However, since we firmly adhere to the Kindergarten Fieldtrip Rule: Always stay with your buddy! - my trusty sidekick has been thrown down ski slopes, sand dunes and into dolphin-infested waters; now it was my turn to suck it up and head out to the club where he finds his bliss.

Our evening begins with a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant…where everyone knows our name. (NORM!)

At 11 o’clock we prep for our evening out…complete with WAY bigger hair and makeup than I’m used to (think Patrick Swayze in To Wong Fu) but hey…it’s club attire and if you’re not “in” you’ll be standing outside in line all night. Okay, Disco Check done, it’s time to go.

At the club the line moves quickly and Canada puts me in front because girls (and the guys with them) have a separate, faster, line. Oh…and ladies don’t have to pay. This is an incentive to get more girls in the club, because if girls are there…guys will follow…DUH!

Once in the club, it didn’t take long to assess the situation. I have two words for you… Meat Market.

No big deal, I’m there with a dude and most people think we’re “together” so they leave us alone. But wait! What happens when (after 6 drinks) the dude has to visit the bathroom? A blatant violation of the aforementioned Kindergarten Rule, that’s what!

Visualize the Serengeti…
A gazelle stands happily grazing in the meadow. The rest of the herd moves on without her noticing. Did anyone hear that? Is there a rustling in the grass over there? Is there a different scent in the air? YES! It’s lions…a whole pride of them…poised to attack! Run little gazelle, RUN!!!

This gazelle was not very bright…this gazelle was busy drinking her water and getting her groove on. She did not notice the lions waiting in the grass. She thought she was safe within the herd. Stupid, stupid gazelle…

BOOM! Canada is in the can. Taunya is on the dance floor and the lions close in. There’s pushing, there’s shoving, there’s growling among the lions, however…there is NO TOUCHING of the actual gazelle! Thank goodness, but how is this possible?

Enter my night club heroes… Antook and Khalid (a.k.a. Andy and Kal) – two of the biggest dudes I’ve seen in the place aside from the bouncers. They proceed to push the rest of the lions out of the way and ask if I have enough room.

Gazelle: “Why yes, thank you very much!”
Lions: “Would you like another drink? Tequila shots or Vodka perhaps?” – Ahhh…I said they were nice, but they ARE still lions.
Gazelle: “No thanks, I’m driving (total lie, we took a taxi) – just water for me.” This gazelle might be slow, but she sure isn’t gonna be in the newspapers for being the stupid, drunk one.
Lions: “Cigarette?”
Gazelle: “No thanks.”
Lions: “Ahh…you are a healthy girl. Nice girl. May we hang out with you for a while?”
Gazelle: “Yes, that would be nice.”

The night passed as I danced and talked with my new lion friends. They were particularly helpful at closing time, when we had to guide a very drunken Canadian out of the club and pour him into the taxi. I tried not to be rude and maneuver out of my big fat “I’m driving lie.” Because now they were insisting I should let them drive us home. Ummm, thanks but no thanks…no lions at the hotel door.

So, in the end, the gazelle lives to see another day and there will be no more wandering into the Wild Kingdom.

Bad Pickup Lines – Dubai Style

Let me share with you a Universal Truth...No matter where a girl goes, there’s gonna be a guy waiting to use bad pickup lines on her.

Some of my personal favorites on this trip are: - Oh, and yes...I realize there are only six instead of the usual "top ten" but really...after you've heard these you kinda stop listening:

6. Ahhh…you are a trainer? Want to be my teacher?
- Yeah…first lesson, how to shut up and walk away before I kick your @$$.

5. America? I love Americans…can I love you?
- Um, nope!

4. As a man, it is my duty to look after you. Please, walk in front of me so I can look after you.
- Ewww...walk away slowly and with your back in another direction!)

3. My wife, she needs a friend, will you be my new wife?
- Really? Cuz I think she might be the one who needs a little something “new.”

2. You are so bee-yoo-ti-ful, I thought you were Lebanese.
- Nope, sorry, I like guys. (There Doug, are you happy now? Your joke actually came true!)

And now for the most common and my all time favorite…(drum roll please!)

1. I respect women. If you were mine, I would DIE for you!
- Aww...aren’t you just the sweetest thing?! Now go stand over there with the rest of my kamikaze army to await your orders.